When it comes to dating, having a healthy self-esteem is essential. Those who feel good about themselves are more likely to take risks, meet new people and build healthy relationships. In addition, those who have a strong sense of self-worth have an optimistic outlook, which helps them deal with setbacks. Those with low self-esteem, on the other hand, can have a pessimistic outlook that can negatively impact their dating experience and relationships.
One of the reasons why you might expect that people would enjoy a boost in their self-esteem if they get into a romantic relationship is because of what researchers call “sociometer theory.” This theory suggests that the feeling of social inclusion that comes from being in a relationship, even if it’s just for a year, is enough to satisfy your need for social affirmation.
The authors of the study tried to figure out how important this social affirmation was by comparing the people who started new relationships that lasted a year or more with those who stayed single. They found that those who stayed in their relationships enjoyed a larger boost in their self-esteem by the end of the year than the people who remained single.
However, if the romantic relationship turned out to be of a lower quality, that boost disappeared. In fact, those who experienced a breakup by the end of the first year had lower self-esteem than the people who remained single. The authors also tried comparing those who got married in their first year to the people who stayed in their relationships without getting married and they found that marrying didn’t give them any more of a boost in their self-esteem than staying single did.
People who have a strong sense of self-worth can appreciate the benefits of a relationship, but they will only enter one when it’s the right fit. When a person isn’t in a healthy place, they can’t see the positives and may act like a chameleon on dates or in their relationships. They can try to please their partner or make themselves look better, which ultimately leads to the relationship falling apart.
If you have a loved one with low self-esteem, encouraging them to love themselves as they are is the best way to help. This can be done by spending time on hobbies they enjoy, journaling about their feelings and seeking guidance from a therapist. In time, they will begin to see how their negative beliefs and attitudes are causing them harm. By addressing their self-worth issues, they can develop the strength to be more honest in their dating and relationship experiences and avoid falling into unhealthy patterns. This will improve their dating and marriage outcomes and allow them to be happier with the life they have created for themselves. The article, The Connection Between Self Esteem and Dating Success, was written by Michelle Harris and Ulrich Orth. It was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Sept 26, 2019. For more information about this study, contact Michelle Harris at [email protected] or Ulrich Orth at [email protected].
